Painting with ADHD: Childhood

Hi!

I have been sharing my paintings online for almost 2 years and thought it was time to share about my experiences with ADHD and painting both past and present. ADHD in women and girls especially is rarely talked about; I didn't know it existed until I was diagnosed. This has encouraged me to write about my life with it as a way of informing people about it. To me ADHD just explained a lot about my life, like why I talk at a million miles an hour, and more importantly why I love creativity.. Now I've had some time knowing what's going on in my head and being able to think back over the years I understand how much creativity has linked to my ADHD. To try and explain how I got to where I am and some of the struggles I thought the best place to start is the beginning: my childhood.

I wanted to be an artist at 5 - And apparently go blonde!

As a child I always really wanted to be an artist, as well as a teacher and a lawyer and I think also a nurse? Out of all of them though artist was the first and most consistent. Part of this was because it was calming and allowed my mind to wander but stay occupied, rather than wander and potentially become uncomfortable.

Having an artistic family was incredibly helpful as I was able to learn what I liked to do and also how to do it. There was also constant inspiration and support. I was obsessed with drawing and creating, particularly drawing flowers and clothes. I'm not sure what it was but I think the fact I could easily draw the shape of a dress and the flower paintings that my Grandma would do attracted me to florals. I found I was quite specific about what I liked to draw and got obsessive on one subject for long periods of time. However once I realised I wasn't too good at something I would give up, meaning the portrait phase for example was extremely short lived. I was most comfortable doing similar things over and over. They were rarely big though because doing anything large was incredibly frustrating and very rarely got finished because I wanted to go into intense detail on everything.

Just a section of a page covered in little dresses

These small doodles tended to be of either dresses or odd symbols, often with a complex story behind them. The time I took to name every figure I drew clothes is almost concerning. On occasion I would draw I would sit down, start and just keep going and going and going. Ideas seemed to flow out of my head through my hand like some kind of strange machine and I understood all the connections and stories I would make up in a way that I couldn't explain. I assumed that this was normal but then on other days I would try and do the same and it just wouldn't work? As a child this was so confusing and increased the frustration that I felt because I lacked an outlet for my energy. Of course now I know that that was hyper focus, if I had known then I could have used it. Instead I decided I only had my abilities a certain amount of the time. Becoming very intensely involved in things only about half the time whilst simultaneously being stuck on a strict schedule is very distressing. I loved to do art when I was in the right headspace but ADHD meant this was not always the case. Now I know more how to listen to my brain to decide when I want to paint and when I want to study.

I was very lucky particularly as a young child because I did at least appear to be gaining some skills. I would put it down additionally to an insistent yet inconsistent attention to detail, an inability to let myself fail, and of course hyper focus. Regardless of whatever it was I did get some compliments from teachers and my parents about my artwork. This made me love it.

My first (faded) pastel drawing won me an award at school

That may sound like I was just searching for validation, which to an extent I was and still am, but it also came from something I wanted to do. I think now I had already started to suffer from rejection sensitivity, which means I was incredibly sensitive to rejection (it's a pretty self descriptive term). When you aren't allowed to listen to your brain you get used to being constantly wrong. This negativity can lead yourself to believe that you yourself are inherently flawed. This of course is not true, and everyone around you would (hopefully) say this. But the way a child who is constantly unprepared or often not in the mood is treated does often lead them to believe that they are wrong.

Being 20 and not surrounded by children I only have my own experience to think about, but I think the most important thing for an ADHD child is being listened to. If people keep dictating who you are you'll believe it, and if people tell you who you should be and you don't fit that will take a toll. I remember hearing somewhere that a child with ADHD will hear more than double the amount of negative comments than others which is upsetting since there isn't anything they can do about it. Painting and drawing really helped me through this as a child since it was my way of feeling like I fitted in somewhere, and even sort of had my own voice that wasn't just screaming.

Learning what hyper focus is and how to listen to what my brain tells me was the first lesson which I now understand and is incredibly important in maintaining both my university work and my painting. The positive connotations I have with art since it was the first thing that made me feel good about myself are also very important to why I still do it. I intend to talk through more of my experiences of doing art with ADHD and both these themes are what got me through my future struggles.

If you have any questions about either my paintings or ADHD please do let me know, I would be more than happy to talk about it!

See you soon,

Imogen